Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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