Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
