She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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