Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize