Nicole vs. Life
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
