i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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