I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
