just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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