Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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