dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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