Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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