I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
