my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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