Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
