I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
