i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
