You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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