you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
