Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
