If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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