Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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