so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
