State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
