can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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