and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your cock deserves a montage
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
