no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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