i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize