Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
