is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Text me some of your sweat
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
