My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we're so committed to being not committed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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