Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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