I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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