When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize