mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
