New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
