i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
