My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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