Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
