my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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