Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.