you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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