Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.

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  (703): I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one. http://tfl.nu/4drw
  Replies (2) Good night (629) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents

  (636): View more from Missouri

  never have sex?

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  (314): sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents (636): never have sex? http://tfl.nu/1ynn
  Replies (44) Good night (3862) Bad night (549)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!

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  (812): I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah! http://tfl.nu/iijo
  Replies (13) Good night (2537) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

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  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5782) Bad night (2570) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

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  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6766) Bad night (882)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...

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  (703): It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement... http://tfl.nu/l7x1
  Replies (8) Good night (1903) Bad night (1610)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?

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  (901): Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow? http://tfl.nu/gguq
  Replies (8) Good night (781) Bad night (2619) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??

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  (250): WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT?? http://tfl.nu/ty5z
  Replies (9) Good night (1079) Bad night (3832) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.

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  (715): Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober. http://tfl.nu/abtg
  Replies (2) Good night (3356) Bad night (817)
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  (+36): View more from

  until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.

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  (+36): until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober. http://tfl.nu/a4ay
  Replies (4) Good night (2089) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket

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  (618): We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket http://tfl.nu/a9al
  Replies (4) Good night (1795) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.

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  (337): Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex. http://tfl.nu/wf1h
  Replies (11) Good night (549) Bad night (2265) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.

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  (803): Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in. http://tfl.nu/noz8
  Replies (2) Good night (688) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.

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  (760): Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up. http://tfl.nu/n00x
  Replies (5) Good night (595) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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  (843): So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff http://tfl.nu/ddxb
  Replies (6) Good night (853) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt

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