They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.