I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic