He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.