You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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