i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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