If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration