Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
