does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
