no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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