So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
