No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
