I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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