Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
