he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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