I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
