Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat