Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.