i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?