his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
