positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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