God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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