bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
