I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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