new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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