i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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