Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
PANTIES FOUND
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