Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
