Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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